Cutdog's 1st Annual "Get Str8 in '08" Blog

I dont know what it is about the end of the year that brings out the worst in folks. Maybe its because everyone's so resigned to falling back on good ol' New Year's resolutions to straighten out there lives. Well, this year, Grand Ol' Uncle Cutty is here to give you a good ol' fashioned cow prodding to get things goin'. But first I must pay tribute to my sponsors: Thunderbird Fine Wines

"What's the word?
Thunderbird
What's the price?
40 twice"

-Amen 

And now, with that said and done, we move to our first Resolution:

1. "I will stop buying drugs (and conducting other banned activities) with checks and other traceable forms of monetary compensation".-Roger Clemens and the 80 somethin' other buttheads who got jammed up buying steroids and HGH-WITH CHECKS!!!! Ok, now Cutdog's reknowned for his drinking exploits, but I can't say that I haven't done a drug or two, or three. Ok, fuckit, I get high too! Now, you happy??!! But never, ever, ever have I, or would I buy drugs or conduct any illegal activity with a check. Picture CutDog goin' to the strip joint buyin' some booty and when I'm done, I say "Who do I make this out to??" That broad will slap the shit outta me, post my picture up around town with the caption "Funny Money" placed right underneath it. And then when she realizes I'm the most famous drunk this side of Colin Farrell, she'll send copies of a check to the tabloids that reads:
Cutdog A. Blackmon
1614 Skidsview Way
(City and state omitted because I'm everywhere nucca!!)
Not on my watch...straight cash homey....

2. I will get my weight up next year-Bill Gates. Tough year for Billy. While his computers still hold an advantage in terms of market share, he has lost his spot as the "Boss Hog Chedda Getta". Ladies and gentlemen I introduce to you Mr. Carlos Slim. Google that shit.

3. "I will get out of the 1st round of the NBA Playoffs."-Tracy Mcgrady. What, you thought I was gonna throw Kobe "Allah in High Top Sneakers" Bryant under the bus? For those of you who don't know, I'm a Laker fan for life, so they have been granted total immunity from my wrath, besides they're in 5th place and sitting lovely. And, they're not quite built to win (yet), so I don't expect too much from them right now. But when you have the best Asian basketball player in the universe (Yao), a guy who plays D so hard he gets wrinkles in his head (Shane Battier, pause), and a PG who can pull the shirt off the guy who's guarding him while throwing the ball through his legs (Rafer Alston, double pause, no fuck that, triple pause) you better win something. Shout out to my nephew Eddie Wiley-I see you nucca!!!!

Now let me take a moment to reflect....I love all my nephews, during the good moments, bad moments, nevertheless they're all priceless moments. With that being said, its time to "draw blood".

4."I will not leave the house dressed as the easter egg unless its Easter or Halloween and I'm getting paid for it."-Nephew Jay. Now here is a guy who takes his wardrobe seriously, he puts thought into his lay each time he steps out, just like his Uncle. You dont get that amongst youngsters these days. But WTF was he thinking this night??? A cold night in December and he comes to a fight party dressed as a goddamned satin easter egg!!! Its December youngblood, gimme some red at least!!! I still luv ya Jay....

5. "I will let the dead rest in peace."-Nephew Feedy. Here's another one of my nephews that gets his style from his swaggerish Uncle. His specialty is his shoe game. True blue sneakerpimp....one time he came through with some Gucci sneakers, I swear MC Hammer's "U Can't Touch This" started playing in my head. Now seen here in this photo is a pair of $400 Loius Vuitton shoes that are entering the "Weekend at Bernie's" stage...you know, the movie about the two guys whose boss dies and they try to act like he's still alive. Have you seen it? Wasn't it kinda awkward watching them parade that guy around like he was still breathing, knowing he was dead long ago? I didn't know whether to laugh or cry, seeing them disrespect the deceased like that. Listen up nephew, and listen up carefully, if I catch the LVs in '08, I'm calling Bruce Willis and telling him "I see dead people"....

6."I will seriously consider burying the golden shoestring."-Favorite Nephew Fox. Now this is my favorite nephew. You see, Uncle Cutty has had his bad days; Cutty done had bad credit, Cutty done fell in love with freaks, Cutty done had insurance lapses on his car, Cutty done fucked his money up badly and needed Western Union, and who was there for me? Who got his favorite Uncle a nextel phone? Who rode Cutdog's back about lovin' these hoes so bad he seen the light? Who gave Cutdog rides to his apartment when no one else would? My nephew, my nigga who don't get no bigga Fox. Now, on to the matter at hand. How many of you have been keeping up with the second season of The Boondocks? If you have, then you've taken notice that this has been Young Riley's season to shine. I mean, that lil' nucca been spitting truth. Well there's this episode, where Riley's lobbying to get a platinum chain from the rap group Lethal Interjection. In a conversation he is having with Riley, Huey notes that Riley already has been given a chain by his Aunt Cookie, to which he replies "THAT AIN'T A CHAIN, THAT'S A NECKLACE!!!!!!!!"....Nephew, please step your jewel game up. Take a look at how young Reezy does it.

Until next time, I bid you all farewell, and get right in '08...